A further look at my accidental trip to Van Dijk & Ko. It is incredibly easy to get lost in this place and lose all sense of time.
Van Dijk & Ko: Take Timmy G for instance… He sent out word (via social media streams) that he was not getting enough fruit and veg in his diet. Within 23 hours the first fruit package arrived, soon followed by another and another and another and another… As they say: “Think twice before you wish.”
Van Dijk & Ko: “Are you sure I look all right in this crown?” Asked the Emperor of Lower Esteemia. “Totally rad!” Replied his personal stylist. “If that’s the case, why is everyone laughing at me?” The Emperor asked. “Don’t worry about that Your Ultra Magnificence…” began the personal stylist, “…the people are simply laughing with joyful amazement. They’ve never seen anything like it: you’re way ahead of your time!”
Van Dijk & Ko: The personal stylist to the Emperor of Lower Esteemia tried his hand was also commissioned to come up with appropriate head gear for member’s of the Court Musicians. The result was an absolutely dashing one-size-fits-all woven head basket (available in a wide range of colours).
Van Dijk & Ko: The MopWig was originally created for fashion conscious Labradors. However it didn’t take long before St. Bernards, Poodles, Bull Terriers, Border Collies, Dalmatians, and at least seven other breeds began to demand similar accessories.
Van Dijk & Ko: Week after week and month after month the ersatz flowers waited in vain for a buyer. “What’s the matter?” They complained. “Aren’t we beautiful? Aren’t we stylish?” Sure you are. “Then why won’t anyone buy us?” “Because you have no perfume, which means no personality.” And there was little they could do about that.
Van Dijk & Ko: Again and again Darth Maul asked if he really was in the correct universe. “Look man, I’m not complaining as such… But what’s my motivation for fighting in a banana box, again?”
Van Dijk & Ko: Buzzwald, the last of the allegedly honest foxes, was caught leaving the scene of the crime with a decidedly suspicious look on her face. “Don’t know why you’re all looking at me.” She said. “I didn’t do nothin’ and didn’t see nothin’ and didn’t hear nothin’ so please let me be.”
Van Dijk & Ko: Pat Patterson and Pat Patteroni learned their lessons the hard way. Playing Gimme-ya-Clothing Poker with Tricky Tom meant only one thing: going home in your underwear…
Van Dijk & Ko: Nobody understood why Rishma and Reddie-Roo were such great friends. But that’s how it goes with friendship: it has nothing to do with anyone but the friends themselves…
Van Dijk & Ko: No no no no, just because popular opinion has mannequins down as docile and obedient does not make it so. Twenty minutes ago Wilhelmina was clad in the most awesome finery—and then she decided to take a five minute ’stand-up-nap’. Look at her now: no clothes, and most of her mannequin colleagues snickering away under their breath…
Van Dijk & Ko: It suddenly occurred to me that without cables life would be very different indeed.
Van Dijk & Ko: In the end, Tonnie’s Eclectic Kitchen proved to be a little too funky for most tastes. All the same, it made its mark and will go down in history as “…one of those places you really should have visited while it was around…”
Van Dijk & Ko: It took a while, but Ray finally reached the point where he began to question his life choices. “I’m not dissing puppetry…” He explained. “…it’s just not me. I’m looking for something with a touch more action and a bit more fizz. Like international rescue or quantum physics.”
Van Dijk & Ko: You can’t simply wake up one morning and decide to be a wooden duck. That takes weeks of training, and some highly peculiar skills—the kind of skills you definitely don’t have if you need to ask what they are.
Van Dijk & Ko: Of course curiosity never actually killed a cat. That said, cats around the world have ended up in very sticky situations due to the earlier mentioned curiosity.
Van Dijk & Ko: “You sure I look all right in this?” “Totally, man. You’re like Hombre Superserioso with a little sprinkling of Coolio Flakes!”
Van Dijk & Ko: Cliff is one of the best behaved poodles I have ever met. After posing for his annual portrait picture, we chatted awhile about getting the crust “…just right…” on a home baked baguette.
Van Dijk & Ko: The wedding was delayed for an hour while the bride (encouraged by mother, father, siblings, and best friends) recovered from a ’deer-in-headlights’ panic attack.
Van Dijk & Ko: Cupboard Yoga is a wonderful way to discover the limits of what your body is willing to do (before it begins to weep and beg for forgiveness).
Van Dijk & Ko: The flowers were offered an exceptional deal, which involved trading their souls for the promise of immortality. A warning to all those about to scribble their names over the dotted lines… “Please study the small print!” The flowers failed to do so, and therefore missed Paragraph II, Section 4, which covered “…the quality of the aforementioned immortality…” In short, the flowers had not expected to end up like this.
Van Dijk & Ko: ‘The Ladle Goddess’ is a lesser known work by the even lesser known, though quite important, artist, Herman Fleischbrühe. It was commissioned by the Society for the Daily Consumption of Soup to commemorate the 7th Annual International Day of Soup.
Van Dijk & Ko: The rescue squad, made up of mini-teddy bears, escaped capture by leaping onto the mannequin’s head and pretending to be a wig.
Van Dijk & Ko: In hindsight, inviting the folks from Licorice Land to the party was a bad idea. Everyone thought my guests were something to eat, and they spent most of their time hiding under tables and chairs.
Van Dijk & Ko: Ms. Van Gogh politely asked everyone to stop referring to her as the “…Snow Queen…” because she wasn’t a queen, and certainly was not made of snow.
Van Dijk & Ko: All it took was the courage to go beyond curtains and discover the wonderful world outside, and she planned to do so when the time was right.
Van Dijk & Ko: The Ducks of Honour stood to attention, and what a sight it was. No quivering feathers, no subdued quacks. A shining example of focus, and dedication to one’s craft. You should have seen how those ducks stood to attention as if the survival of the world depended on their ability to stand in a straight line.