1. Van Dijk & Ko: Bruno Bundini, the dog, was on lookout. Ms Myrtle Turtal (yes, that was her name) turned into a climbing frame, which helped Ptolemy, the pig, get on top of the cupboard. The curious trio had discovered where the Professor kept the keys to his laboratory.
2. Van Dijk & Ko: “Look, I already told you: I’m not going to bed until I’ve had me fish and chips.” “But Esmeralda-Eleanor-Eline, where do you expect us to find fish and chips at this hour?”
3. Van Dijk & Ko: The atmosphere in the hall was absolutely electric as the four finalists waited to hear who had won the 2016 Weighing Scale of the Year. Third and second place were guaranteed one week, and one month of use respectively. The winner spent a whole year in a busy weighophile environment. And the fourth placed finalist went away and began to plan for next year.
4. Van Dijk & Ko: What you really want in a piece of headgear is something that says: “Different”, or: “I’ll find my own way around town. Thank you very much.” In short, you want your hat to tell everyone: “This is who I am.”
5. Van Dijk & Ko: Detective Rose Blancmange walked into the Lampville Saloon and said: “I’m looking for a lamp. Got a bulb inside, and it turns on and off. Sound familiar?” The lamps, who only moments before were having a good old moan about the price of electricity, said nothing.
6. Van Dijk & Ko: “They just don’t get it!” Said one metal Jesus to his companions, “What’s so difficult about understanding that we’re simply representatives of, and not the real thing? You wouldn’t believe what my last lot asked me to give them: motorcycles, leather jackets, bigger dingdongs, girlfriends, and loadsa cash!” “Sounds like a lotta folk got the wanties.” “You tell it brother. Amen!”
7. Van Dijk & Ko: “No, no, no, this isn’t what you think. Someone borrowed all the chairs from our classroom and forgot to bring them back. Fortunately Cat Katzen found and old goblet-ish thing for everyone to sit on. So, while it might look as if we’re mucking around, we are in fact studying for upcoming exams.”
8. Van Dijk & Ko: Lampville is where the lamps went when they needed something more than a switched-on/switched-off lifestyle. There was only so much fun to be had in illuminating the dining table, or putting a glow on the evening papers. Lampville had all the action.
9. Van Dijk & Ko: The final of the National Light Turning On Championship was a tense affair, and every lamp in the arena had an equal chance of winning. The starter cleared her throat and said: “On your marks. Get set. Let there be light!” All the lamps in the room switched themselves on at exactly the same time. Thirteen hours later the judges were still trying to decide the winner.
Van Dijk & Ko: The third important rule of socialising says ‘Don’t over do it with the headwear’ and somehow I don’t believe strolling around town with dinosaurs on your head is the way to go.
Van Dijk & Ko: Introducing this season’s collection of bottled airs. We have ‘Sunshine Happy’, ‘Lushly Delerious’, ‘Jolly Fantastic’, ‘Sweet and Smooth’, ‘Genuinely Curious’, ‘Extreme Mellow’, and that old classic… ‘Irie Feelings’.
Van Dijk & Ko: “Hey Antonio. You better come back. You forgot your body. You can’t go around without a body, people will go crazy. They’ll start running across the streets, crashing into bicycles and hijacking the trams—and all because you want to show off and travel around without a body. Come back and get the rest of you Antonio. Come on. Come back right now.”
10. Van Dijk & Ko: Due to a production imbalance there were suddenly more dolls faces than there were dolls to attach them to. That’s when one of the whizzkids in Production Management came up with the idea to cut a deal with a certain cereal company and include free doll faces in boxes of good wholesome Morning Flakes.
11. Van Dijk & Ko: “All right here’s the plan: You guys walk out disguised as baskets. I’ll be right behind. Now, if anyone stops you and asks why is a basket walking around the city, tell them they’re having an intense dream, and they’ll leave you alone.”
12. Van Dijk & Ko: “No, we’re not brothers and sisters.” Said the containers. “We’re not related in any way. Though I understand why you think we are.”
Van Dijk & Ko: Wilma waved her magic wand around and wondered why what happened next was not what she expected. The white weasel wormed its way out of the Wellington boot and wandered off—it wasn’t seen again for weeks.
Van Dijk & Ko: Try as they might, Augustus and Edwina were unable to convince anyone that they were not Ken and Barbie in disguise.
Van Dijk & Ko: For the third time that season the Big Fish running the National Turtle Surfing Organisation (NaTSO) amended the Rules of Competition. Needless to say, the dolls from the Blue Garment Posse—who led the competition by a healthy margin, were pretty cheesed off because the new rules put an end to their winning ways. The dolls went on a rampage and stole all the bicycles in the Amsterdam, which led to citywide shock and panic. The Mayor came forward and begged everyone to chill. “We’re doing everything in our power to bring your bicycles home!”
13. Van Dijk & Ko: …and the next thing we knew, every skull in the house wanted a pair of horns…
14. Van Dijk & Ko: Pigworth and Jenny spent most of the afternoon picking flowers. They had their reasons for doing so, and it had nothing to do with liking flowers.
15. Van Dijk & Ko: Abelardo danced whenever he felt like—which was pretty much all the time. “Dancing is like the air I breathe!” He proclaimed. “And I will dance wherever I like. So friends please stop complaining and concentrate on keeping this ‘tower’ upright.”
16. Van Dijk & Ko: TG Byrd thought carefully for a few moments before answering the reporter’s question. “Personally, I think being a bird is where it’s at in the Twenty-First Century—and I’m not just saying that because I’m a bird. Nobody else got our kind of freedom. Fish come close, but more fish get eaten than birds, so I’ll stick with bird as the best thing you can be.”
17. Van Dijk & Ko: After the third incident of public disorder—on the part of the jars—the Warehouse Board was left with no choice but to demote the jars to a position in the cupboard. The board’s decision was final and could not be appealed.
18. Van Dijk & Ko: “Doctor, doctor!” Cried Yellow Fellow. “I got something in both my eyes. My friends say they’re apples, but that doesn’t make any sense!”
19. Van Dijk & Ko: Teddy Bear Buggin framed himself in a window and declared: “I am art, and I demand your respect.” His friends and family shook their heads and blamed it on Teddy Bear Buggin’s new velvet dust diet.
20. Van Dijk & Ko: “I believe the words you’re looking for are ‘utter’ and ’nonsense’, which when put together describe your commentary so far. On the other hand, it has been an… interesting exercise.”
A last peek around Van Dijk & Ko. Come here and lose yourself in all the everything. Trust me, it’ll be worth your while…